


Shattered Peace

by junko



Series: Curse of the Nue [17]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:30:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just when Renji thinks maybe Byakuya has opened up a little, the captain shows his true colors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered Peace

Renji was just tying back his hair when the serving girl arrived with breakfast. Her eyes were wide and her steps tentative as she entered the room. Renji took the tray from her and asked, “Something wrong, Aio?”

“The railing, sir,” she said, glancing over her shoulder as if she expected the wood splinters outside the door to leap up in a surprise attack. “It’s….”

“Yeah, it’s pretty chewed up,” Renji agreed, since she seemed stymied at how to describe the jagged cut so obviously made by Zabimaru. “Listen, don’t worry. I’m on it. I’ll have maintenance here by afternoon. Just be careful of yourself in the meantime, alright?”

She nodded absently, and glanced around him to where Byakuya sat at his dressing table, putting in the kenseikan. Seeing him there, and the rumpled, unmade, but still intact bed, Aio let out a relieved breath. “Oh, I thought maybe there’d been another—“she stopped herself, her hands flying up to cover her mouth, as if she could take back the words.

Renji leaned in close enough to whisper, “There was. Everything’s fine now.”

She smiled at Renji, a little blush blooming on her cheeks as her eyes strayed back to the captain’s bed. Then, she dipped in a courtesy and backed out the door. Kneeling at the threshold, she asked, “Is there anything else my lord requires?”

“No, Aio. Thank you,” Byakuya said.

She sucked in a surprised breath before bowing her head and shutting the door quietly. As Renji brought the tray over to their usual spot, he watched Byakuya out of the corner of his eye. Thanking servants by name? Granted he still never looked at her, but _damn_ – the captain should get hugged more often.

Breakfast this morning seemed to be onsen tamago, hot springs eggs -- a soft boiled egg served in a bowl of fish stock, along with the usual rice, pickles, and a bit of smoked milkfish. Renji set some things on the captain’s plate as Byakuya settled into seiza and checked on the tea. They moved through their routine silently.

Renji couldn’t quite read Byakuya’s mood. The captain had been shockingly pleasant to the serving girl, but his lips were thin now. Renji thought maybe Byakuya was still a little irritated at the thought of Zabimaru suggesting their get-together last night. Chewing a bit of the custardy egg, Renji figured he should probably say something--make small talk. All the usual options seemed like potential landmines, though. Any division discussion would remind Renji that Zabimaru was still back in his quarters, which brought back all the stupid alley nonsense. Anything about Rukia was dangerous. The hakuda demonstration started the last fight…. Renji sighed and put a few pickles on Byakuya’s plate before adding more to his own.

It would be easiest just to let the silence stretch, but what had Zabimaru said? Renji needed to try to pull Byakuya back from the edge of whatever it was that made him so broken.

_Grief_.

Renji shook his head mutely -- and Byakuya thought Renji had a demon riding him. This beast of Byakuya’s seemed much darker, more dangerous, much more likely to consume Byakuya’s very soul and drag it down to hell.

If it hadn’t already.

Given how much Byakuya had fought against a simple hug, Renji wondered.

“You sleep okay, Taicho?” Renji asked finally, pushing a bit of rice together with the nori between his fingers. What he really wanted to ask was, ‘are _you_ okay?’

“Yes, very well, thank you,” Byakuya said, sharing a bit of fish. He paused with his chopsticks over Renji’s plate, and added quietly. “Regardless how it came about, your company was appreciated.”

Renji almost choked on the rice he was chewing.

“I was thinking,” the captain continued, after a bite of fish and a brief glance up at Renji’s startled cough, “Perhaps I will ask that the onsen be closed this morning. We could go together.”

Holy shit.

“Though,” Byakuya said with a slight smile, “If you continue to gape at me like an overgrown baboon, I’m going assume you’re not interested.”

“No,” Renji said quickly, clearing his throat. “I’m interested. Very.”

#

After they finished eating, Renji made arrangements to meet up with Byakuya at the sentō. He stopped off at his room to grab a few things, and to thank Zabimaru with a big kiss on the sheath just below the hilt.

“Right as usual,” he told the zanpaktō, setting it back against the wall.

_Hmmm_ , it murmured sleepily, skeptically, _though we’re not yet at your side_.

“Just a little longer,” Renji promised, letting his fingers gently trace the length of the zanpaktō before heading out the door.

He stopped by the main office to explain the railing situation to the Third Seat. “Look,” Renji said with a sigh, as he handed over the appropriate form, “I’d do this myself, but you’re going to have to take the cost out of my wages. I can’t have the division paying for my mistake. Oh, and get one of the handier people up there to clear the mess and make it safe in the meantime. Maybe Utako? She was a carpenter before enlisting.”

The Third seemed to be only half listening. He had a deep frown on his face and he was shaking his head at the paper in his hand. “First you don’t carry Zabimaru for almost a week, and now your aim is off this badly? What’s going on, lieutenant?”

Renji considering telling the kid it was none of his business, but the Third’s eyes were wide and worried. “It’s personal,” he admitted gruffly.

“Does it have to do with the captain? Only, I can’t help but notice, you ‘missed’ right outside his door.”

The air quotes were irritating.

But, Renji was weirdly pleased that, despite what the Third initially said, he clearly couldn’t imagine Zabimaru not striking where aimed. Renji supposed everyone was noticing the placement of the fang-toothed hole by now. Best not to try to deny it, “Yes, it’s between the captain and me,” he said. “But we’re working it out.”

The Third’s jaw flexed for a moment, and then he blurted: “I just want to say again, sir, that I think Ms. Kuchiki should be transferred to the Thirteenth. She belongs under the watch of her own regiment and, frankly, it’s not good for morale to have her here, and, if I may speak freely…”

“No, you may not” Renji cut him off sharply. “We’ve been over this again and again, and I already told you that Rukia stays right here under my watch until official transfer orders come from Central.”

“But, it’s clear that all this trouble between you and the captain started when you brought her back from the human world. He’s gets colder every time you visit her, and, frankly, sir, that’s way too often, especially considering everyone’s assuming you and she are—“

“Oi, one more word from you and you’re the one getting transferred, got it?”

The Third opened his mouth, but stopped. His head lowered in defeat, “Yes, sir.”

#

Something had happened. Byakuya could hear Renji slamming locker doors and stomping around in the changing room. He would hear about it in a moment, so Byakuya just leaned the back of his head against the lip of the pool and closed his eyes.

“Do we need a goddamn Third Seat?” Renji snarled. He stood at the top of the stairs leading into the hot springs completely naked, his arms crossed in front of his chest. A quick shower had damped his hair to a darker crimson jumble. Along his body, the glitter of water and the dark line of tattoo vied for Byakuya’s attention. Renji continued to complain, “Can’t he promote up out from under my feet?”

“I suppose he could, though he’s been with me far longer than you have, Renji,” Byakuya said, his eyes lingering as Renji lowered himself into the water. “He’s been very loyal and stalwart, if not terribly ambitious. I was under the impression you worked well together.”

Renji made a disagreeing huffing noise, blowing up a thick lock of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “He’s annoying and opinionated. I should kick his ass.”

“And that’s your prerogative. Do it, if he needs it,” Byakuya said dryly. _But let me watch_ , Byakuya added silently. There was nothing finer than Renji with his teeth bared, in action.

Renji was shaking his head though and the warm water seemed to be quenching some of his fire. His arms unwound and he stretched them over the lip of the pool. “No, the part that ticks me off is that he’s probably right. Truthfully, I don’t want deal with what it means if he is. It’s too fucking complicated.”

“Ah,” Byakuya said. He was curious what this was all about, but he trusted Renji to deal with whatever it was appropriately. Yet, it was somewhat disappointing that it appeared ‘ass kicking’ would no longer be a part of it.

As his lieutenant scowled at the wisps of steam rising from the sentō’s waters, Byakuya admired Renji surreptitiously. The dark, thick lines across his chest were like an interlocking puzzle, impossible not to try to trace. Byakuya’s eyes returned again and again to try to solve its maze. Every time he began to, however, something distracted Byakuya further – the crazy, untamed mess of ruby red hair; other just as intriguing lines of ink at the ribs, outlining trim, taut stomach; and that oddly thrilling glint of menace that always lingered just behind his eyes.

So intriguingly beautiful and so much… trouble.

Their eyes met briefly. Byakuya always held his breath at moments like this, when caught up in Renji’s gaze. The eyebrow tattoos and the narrowness of his face reminded Byakuya of getting pinned under the fierce, feral stare of wolf. His heart ticked faster, and Byakuya found he couldn’t hold the intensity of the moment; his eyelids fluttered down.

And, just like an animal, Renji chose that moment to move. Closing the distance surprisingly swiftly and silently, strong arms grabbed the lip of the pool on either side of Byakuya’s head. Renji’s legs straddled his and the lieutenant’s massive body stretched so that they were face to face. “We have some unfinished business of our own, don’t we?” he said lowly.

“We do,” Byakuya agreed.

“You’re going to let me kiss you, touch you,” Renji said firmly, in the same commanding tone that Byakuya found surprisingly thrilling last night.

But, now, in the light of day, Byakuya knew he had to put a stop to it. He couldn’t afford to be vulnerable, especially not with someone who made him feel so... much--so many conflicting things.

At any rate, Renji’s motives for these advances were clear. It was a reaction to the alley, a push to put them on equal footing. If they were to somehow become peers that would be terribly dangerous, as it would open the door to the possibility of—

_Love_.

Loving meant losing, and Byakuya would not lose Renji.

#

Renji had just started to angle in for a sweet, gentle kiss when a hard slap knocked his face to the side.

Stunned, he stumbled back a step. He fell onto his butt in a huge splash of water. Renji’s hand rose slowly to his cheek as if trying to assess the truth. But, the fact was plain in the lightly stinging tingle of his skin. Byakuya had slapped him, “What the hell was that for?”

“You may not approach me as an equal,” Byakuya said rising to his feet, slowly, deliberately.

This again. Renji never understood it, not really. He knew Byakuya had to keep up appearances, but they were in private. Couldn’t the captain let go even here, when they were entirely alone? He sighed. “Well, why not?”

Byakuya seemed momentarily confused by the question, and then he shook out his hair. “Because, Renji,” he said, as if explaining something that should be obvious, “I have taken you as a wakashū, not as a lover.”

Not lovers? What the hell had they been doing this whole time? Was this some fancy, highbrow word for ‘fuck buddies’? Renji rubbed his jaw and frowned up at Byakuya, “I’ve never even heard of that other thing. What’s it mean?”

“Ah, I see. Then this is my fault for not educating you properly,” Byakuya said. “Wakashūdo is the only way in which it is proper for us to be together as adult men. We must never forget our station, and you must always receive.”

Receive? Oh, right, _bottom_.

“Ideally, you would be much younger, but it is acceptable as you come from a lower class.”

Class? He should have known. It always came down to that in the end, didn’t it? Renji ran his fingers through his hair. “So, let me see if I understand what you’re saying here,” he said. “In one of these whatever-you-call-them relationships, you get a nice ‘receptive’ servant, and I get fuck all, right?”

“Of course, not,” Byakuya sniffed. “This is a mutually ennobling venture. We strive to be better men for each other, our bond fosters loyalty, devotion—“

“Bond? That’s the only part that sounds true so far. You like all that tying down shit, all right,” Renji cut him off with a barely contained growl.

No wonder this is so screwed up. Byakuya had said he was training a dog in that fucking alley, but Renji hadn’t wanted to believe it. He put his hand to his cheek to remind himself of the slap. When was it going to finally sink in? How many times did he have to get smacked down before he realized the truth?

Byakuya didn’t love him.

He couldn’t.

He didn’t even really seem to want to try.

After last night, Renji had been stupid enough to start to hope again; he’d thought maybe, given enough time and patience, he could nudge carefully under Byakuya’s defenses, get him to open up and… _Shit_. Listen to this nonsense. What was he--some kind of woman?--thinking he could change his man with enough love?

Byakuya was never going to change. Renji couldn’t change him. How could he? Byakuya didn’t even think they were lovers. In Byakuya’s mind, they’d been this other thing all along--some kind of idealistic master-servant sexual relationship nobles thought up so they had a pretty little excuse to fuck over whomever they chose.

Renji shook his head. He was still sprawled on his ass in the shallow water. He pulled his knees up, and leaned back against his arms. Squinting up at Byakuya’s expressionless face, he tried to read it. Was there anything there to put this to a lie? Did his eyes shift just a little as he stared impassively at the rippling water? Was there a fraction of a hesitation in the set of his jaw? Could there be just a tiny touch of worry on those thin, cruel lips?

“So that’s how it is, huh?” Renji asked. “Tell me the truth, Byakuya. This wakashū-thing, that’s what you really want?”

#

No. He wanted nothing of the sort.

Byakuya didn’t want Renji the way he had been in the alley. That had been awful--the horrible cringing, the disgusting cowering. Renji wasn’t sexy when he was frightened, on his knees, trembling in the dirt at Byakuya’s feet.

This was what Byakuya liked, the sort of demanding cockiness that only Renji could pull off while lying completely spread out, slapped back, utterly defeated--nude and exposed.

How could someone exude such strength and confidence when so vulnerable?

It was enchanting, and a tiny bit frightening.

Byakuya desperately wanted Renji to teach him how to do this, how to be strong and open.

But how could he say that? He’d just insisted that they couldn’t be true lovers.

Byakuya wanted to tell Renji the truth. He had kept Renji at arm’s length, telling himself that Renji was only a wakashū, and pushed away anything that smacked of true affection in order to protect himself. If he let someone in, if he gave away what was left of his heart, they could leave with it.

Leaving him alone.

And emptied.

Again.

But, if he agreed that he wanted nothing more than wakashūdo, it would never satisfy someone like Renji.

He would lose him all the same.

There would never again be another night of strong arms to comfort him, to keep the darkness at bay.

 

#

Renji watched Byakuya as the silence continue to fill the room. There was clearly some uncertainty in Byakuya’s expression. His lips twitched slightly, and he blinked slowly, as if trying to hold something in.

Or was Renji just imagining it because he wanted it so badly?

“Okay,” Renji said. “You let me know when you’ve figured it out. I’m going to go to work.”

Byakuya said nothing, of course, no protest, no acknowledgement one way or the other.

Renji pulled himself to his feet heavily and started up the stairs. Stopping once he was out of the water, he turned to give Byakuya one last, long look, “Since you ain’t talking, I will. I’ll tell you what I think--I think this wakashūdo stuff is just a whole load bullshit. It's a cover, a sheild. I think, deep down, you want to love me, but you’re so twisted by grief and your cold-ass upbringing that you don’t know how to even start. I swear to fuck I’d help you, if you would only ask me. But you got to stop treating me like shit.”

Then he walked away.

#

Once the door slammed shut, Byakuya allowed his knees to weaken, and let himself sink back down into the warm water. 

Grief. How could Renji have known of Byakuya's secret pain? 

_Is my heart already so open that he can read me so easily? Am I already lost? How can I love him? He will overwhelm me, shatter all my defenses. And even when I knock him down, break him wide open, he's still strong._

It hurt. Love cut deep, slicing to the very bone--to peirce the heart. Byakuya put a trembling hand to his chest, half-expecting to find blood pooling there.


End file.
